It Sure Would Be Nice To Have Some Coke
When Pisgah and John landed, it wasn't on the hard rock floor, as they expected, but in the arms of two hairy, foul- smelling beasts, who grunted a little as they caught their weight. The beasts then dropped them to the floor, and for a moment John and Pisgah laid there, catching their breaths (which seemed to be running all over the place and didn't want to be caught right away) and wondering what was going to happen next.
"My move," the Evil One said, "so I'll start with being gracious. How are you, my Pisgah? And you -- I feel like I've seen you before? Have I?"
John looked up at the Evil One and felt his stomach turn. No image on the computer could capture how evil this...thing was, how his skin folded like a lizard's, his face white and green, the long spear-like nails on his hands built only for cruelty. This was not a creature you could argue with, not someone who would ever feel sorry for anything he did. He had no feelings like that. He had no feelings at all. John couldn't understand that, but he knew it had to be destroyed. "I don't know where we would have met," John answered, "I usually don't hang around cesspools all that much."
"Oh, someone with spirit? How boring." He got up from his throne and walked over to the fire. He put his hands out toward it, as if he were warming them, and them put his hands into the fire. He looked at one of his apes and pointed to John, flames leaping off the end of the claw. "Kill him."
John figured that if he didn't fight now, as much as he didn't want to, he wasn't going to be around much longer, so he quickly unwrapped the golden sword and iron shield. The sword picked up the light from the sunfire, and the fire blazed up briefly, as if the sword had called and the fire had answered. The Evil One looked at the fire, puzzled.
The ape got the flat of the sword against his head before he even knew the sword was moving, and he was out cold on the floor. John was surprised at the sword -- as heavy as it was, it moved like silk and feathers, and it seemed to have its own life and mind, preferring to wound or knock out than kill. John liked the sword a lot.
The other apes got the same treatment, either knocked out or banged on the shins or ankles or stabbed just a little in the rear end. Finally they all retreated, leaving John alone in the middle of the room and the Evil One standing by the fire. John realized that Pisgah was nowhere to be found.
"Well," said the Evil One, "we seem to be all alone. I don't know who you are or why you're here or where you got that ridiculous sword and shield, but I don't appreciate you coming into my house and setting it upside down."
"I guess you could say it's a little bit of your own medicine," John replied, a little put off by how cool the Evil One was trying to be. "I'm coming from some people who were a little upset that you dried up all their water."
"Oh, wonderful, another social activist! You're as bad as Pisgah -- where is he? -- that silly man who tried to lead a rebellion against me. There are no rebellions against me. I am evil, pure and simple, and there's no power against me. Especially from someone like you, who won't kill his enemies. Why didn't you kill my servants, great sir knight?"
John didn't like that -- it confused him. But the Evil One's voice went on. "People like you are weak because you have morals, because you're interested in wrong and right. I'm not. I'm interested in power. I want to be able to tell people what to do and have them do it. Just because I want it, that's all. No other reason -- my pleasure, that's all. Do you understand that?"
John also realized that as the Evil One was talking he was moving closer, and he felt like a rabbit in the headlights of an oncoming car. (Speaking of headlights, where was Pisgah?) So he took a few steps back to get his mind back on track and remember that he was here to get rid of this guy and get the water back. It didn't look like it was going to be easy.
"I understand that it isn't right to take things that aren't yours and destroy people's lives." The Evil One reached out his claws toward John; John kept backing up. The fire flared in the background and the sword in his hand hummed each time it did. The sword swung itself; John couldn't say that he had any choice in it. It clanged against the claws, lopping a foot off one of them. The Evil One withdrew his hand immediately, not hurt, just surprised. The fire flared; the sword hummed.
The Evil One backed up to the fire and, reaching into it, flung a handful of it at John. John was frozen for a moment, astonished that the Evil One could do something as amazing as throw fire, but the shield, not waiting for John, moved up and caught the ball of fire on its sharp point. The fire hung there, sizzling, and then died. The Evil One threw another, and the same thing happened. Soon the fireballs were coming so fast it was like one long stream of fire, and the shield, without ever getting hot, diverted the flame with its point, catching it and then putting it out.
They were at a stalemate. Neither had the power to kill the other. The king had been right about Aurora: it had no special powers to kill, only to defend. Suddenly the Evil One moved to his right, where there was a door. "I don't have time for these games." He left. Pisgah appeared from behind the throne.
John shouted at him. "Well, what do I do know? You said you knew how to kill him, but a lot of help you've been! Do you know?"
Pisgah glanced at him, then away. "No. I lied. I just was too afraid to come here myself, and I was hoping you would kill him before I had to tell you this. But you can't kill him." He paused. "There's no way to kill him."
"Great! What am I going to do now?" He turned to Pisgah. "What did he have that you wanted back so badly?"
Pisgah looked back at him. "My dignity. No, my laughter."
"Your laughter?" John shook his head and couldn't help but smile. "You were going to risk my ass for laughter. That's stupid, that's so stupid that I can't even get angry." He noticed large tears coming from Pisgah's eyes. The sword moved in his hand, only the slightest amount, and the fire curled upwards, and at that same moment the riddle came into his head: "What makes sadness go away and happiness stay, what makes the eyes cry but not weep?" Pisgah was weeping, but...but...there were other things that made people cry without making them weep. Like...the answer was right there, right on the edge. Like....
"You told me the Evil One outlawed something when he took over your village?"
"Yes. Laughter."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"That's got to be it."
"What?"
"The answer to the riddle, what you're looking for: laughter. It makes sadness go away, happiness stay, and you can cry when you laugh but not weep." John paused. "But so what? What am I supposed to do -- laugh my way out of this?"
"He also didn't like to be touched in any way. If anyone came close to him, he would point his claws at them to keep their distance. And another odd thing: he never picked anything up. His servants always did. Even when he tied rope around me, he didn't tie it: it was one of this thugs."
John thought a moment. "I've got a plan."
